Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Tuesday Defeated Me, but I'm Back

I wanted to do some homework and make a few blog posts on Tuesday, but I took a shower too early and my body figured that was the end of the day and so I was lifeless for the rest of the evening. However! Today was different (It is still Wednesday when I'm writing this, but it'll be Thursday in three minutes).

Today I woke up to an alarm, did my Bible reading, climbed the stairs, took a shower, got ready for the day at my own leisure, rode to college, and hung out with people. It's exactly what I did on Monday and Tuesday, too, except for the stairs bit (I only do the stairs on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays) and the ready at my leisure bit. Anyway, let's start with Monday and work our way back here.

I woke up at six on Monday because I wanted to get to college early so I could talk to whoever was there (I was expecting Carmeni) until their classes began, then meet more of my friends and have more conversations until six o'clock rolled around and I could teach Amanda how to ride my motorcycle in the HELP parking lot. I was going to teach her on Sunday, but it rained, so I had to postpone it. Also I wanted to pass along The Runaways to Carmeni and Indiana Jones and Wall-E to Elo, so I had that to do, too. Also also, I had a Bahasa Kebangsaan meeting at one o'clock.

Anyway, when I arrived there was no-one I knew in the corridor except Shannon, so I talked to him. I forgot what we talked about. We talked for about half an hour before I showed him The Runaways. Elo and Arun arrived right when we started watching. I got Shannon to skip to the Dakota Fanning/Kristen Stewart kiss to see Elo's reaction, but I forgot what it was. Can't have been anything too great, then. Shannon loved it, though. But he had to leave for class. I gave Elo her Indiana Jones & Wall-E CD, and then we talked. Again, I forget what we talked about. I think we may have compared accents. Elo gave me maybe one phrase in her New Zealand accent, and I responded with a few sentences in what I hoped was a South African accent, but ended up devolving into Scottish for some reason. Anyway, Elo left for class at 9:30, so I talked to Arun for a while before he went somewhere.

Since nobody was left in the corridor, I went to go get some breakfast. On Sunday I had talked to Yii Huei on Windows Live about McDonald's breakfast and constructing the perfect McMuffin (Buy five Sausage McMuffin value meals, construct a McMuffin with 5 patties and 3 hash browns, use leftover buns and complimentary jam to make 4 jam sandwiches, eat remaining 2 hash browns on their own, and wash everything down with your five ice Milos), so I headed to McD's to satisfy my cravings. Unfortunately my budget did not allow for any indulgences that day, so I opted for a single value meal instead.

When I entered the McDonald's, I spotted Denise and Alysha at a table. The invited me over while I was waiting for my order. I was told about Denise's friend, Meel, and how he always seemed to end up dating crazy ladies (except for Denise, of course). There was this one time he dated a girl online for six months. He only knew what she looked like via her Facebook pictures, and he only knew what she sounded like from the occasional phone call. They'd had a few webcam chats, but they were always one-sided because she was having a bad day or she had just got out of the shower or whatever. You can probably see where this one is going. Anyway, one day he gets a call from a friend to go pick up something from a mall. He heads over, and as he's walking through the Coffee Bean he hears a familiar voice. He turns to look and there is his girlfriend's voice coming out of the mouth of this fat, ugly Chinese girl. Turns out, she had taken her Facebook photographs from some Taiwanese model. All her Facebook friends were fake, too; she had made dozens of dummy accounts to make her account look more authentic. Anyway, Meel broke up with her before she could abduct him and lock him in her basement and do whatever it is that crazy people do to their unsuspecting victims once they're helpless and alone.

After McDonald's we walked back to college and Alysha talked about how she was actually royalty since she had a sultan somewhere down her ancestral lineage. Her grandfather gets a special sticker that he can put on his car to prove that he's royalty I thought it was pretty cool, but she said it's mostly a bore because you have to go to all the official state dinners and learn how to bow and speak with respect and stuff like that.

Anyway, the girls went to the lab so I went back to my spot. There were more people there, but I can't really remember who they were. I'm gonna take a guess and say Carmeni and Arun. Anyway, Arun said that he didn't believe Alysha's claims to royalty, since anyone could claim they were royalty. Also there was a guy near his house that sold the royalty stickers that Alysha's grandfather had on his car. Apparently they go for around RM30 each. Meh, I still believe her.

I gave Carmeni her CD, and then I showed her how to play Snake on YouTube (I had previously shown Shannon, too. I forgot to mention that) a bunch of funny/interesting videos on YouTube. I think I showed her the Kung-Fu Bear, the Ninja Cat, and MRI Sex. Oh yeah, I also showed her Jason and Jeanine's dance, but I've linked that here before. Elo came by since her class was over. At some point I told Carmeni and her that I had decided to see what all this two-showers-a-day business was about, so I had taken a shower that morning and now I felt fresh and nice. The girls said that they already knew, because they could somehow tell from how fresh I looked or something. Girls are scary. I showed her Katy Perry's 2001 interview. Carmeni must've been somewhere else or been doing something else, but anyway Elo showed her the video and she didn't see what was so spooky about it, so I loaded up Ur So Gay for comparison. Soon it was one o'clock and I went to the DSA for my meeting.

The meeting went well. At first it was just me and Mun Lee, so we discussed how to divide the work and when we should compile and stuff and when our next meetings would be and such. Eventually Lee Kening and Roy showed up, so we divided the work, clarified the deadlines, and five minutes later we were done.

I went back to the guys and we hung out and talked some more. I forget the specifics, but I remember informing the group that there's a part of the fetus that will eventually develop into either the penis or the clitoris, depending on the chromosomes it gets, which means that women have as much sensitivity concentrated in a small area right near the front as guys do all over, which is great for women if they know how to work it. We also talked about how frequently guys masturbate. I stuck with my one-to-five-times-a-week estimate, but Arun said it was more like one to five times a day. I said that was only accurate if you were using porn instead of mental images to get off. We also found out that Elo didn't know what a hymen or a clitoris even was. Also we may or may not have talked about South African anti-rape devices and the Ganges, or that may have been Tuesday's conversation.

After a while everyone ended up going home or to class, so I decided that instead of waiting in college until six I'd just go home and come back later. While I was walking to my motorcycle, I got a text from Amanda saying she couldn't make it because of an assignment or something, so I just went straight home instead. Well, not straight home. Due to a misunderstanding I went on a little loop, stopping at McDonald's only to find out that I had misunderstood something. Then I went back.

Once I was back home I started blogging about Hannah's and Ian's birthdays, and that took a really long time. I was interrupted halfway because we were going to Chili's for dinner because it was Hannah's birthday, but that was a welcome interruption. I finished the blog post and then I hung out in Hannah's room for a while. It was then when I discovered how deep her love for Joseph Gordon-Levitt was (hint: she cannot talk about him without blushing and grinning like an idiot).

So anyway I did my exercises and took a shower and went to bed, and I slept very well for quite a long time. After a while I was in college again. I had a thumb drive with five movies on it for Carmeni, but I was willing to share them with anyone who wanted them. I had Dawn of the Dead, Shaun of the Dead, Monty Python's Meaning of Life, Monty Python's Life of Brian, and The Princess Bride.

I don't really remember what happened in the college corridors on Tuesday. I know I shared my movies with loads of people on loads of laptops, except Elo's because she hadn't brought hers. I know I watched The Meaning of Life with Arun and had a tough time with it because how low the laptop's volume was and how loud the corridor was. I think I may have had a conversation with girls about geography and some girl said that Egypt was near "Arab" and Elo said she used to think Africa was a country and she still couldn't identify where in Europe Portugal was. Also the girl who thought "Arab" was a country tried to guess where my mum was from and said "Russia". That was funny. Actually, this whole conversation might have taken place on Monday. Whatever.

I know I met Amanda in the hall at some point, and we talked about this video for a while. Amanda said that girls have an invisible standard that they feel they have to live up to, and if they fall below that standard, even if no-one else will notice or care, they'll still point out how they fell short (eg. "My hair is so shit today" if they didn't have enough time to work on it even though it still looks fine) just to prevent people from pointing it out first. She made a lot of sense and now I feel like I understand girls a bit more.

I spent a lot of time reading Jennifer Government. I had borrowed the book ages ago from a friend after she finished reading it for a school assignment, and she went to Australia before I could return it, so it's been sitting on my shelf for years. I was reading it for the third time on Tuesday. It was still really, really good, and I wanted to lend it to someone so they could appreciate it, too.I had shown it to Arun, and he liked it, but he's not the reading type, so I told Amanda that I'd lend it to her instead.

Eventually everyone once again left for classes or for their homes. I saw Carmeni for the first time that day on her way out of the college, and I asked her if she had her laptop so that I could pass her the movies. She said that her laptop was in the car, but I could follow her there if I wanted, and I did, so I did. Nicholas was in the car, sleeping. He had been there the whole time Carmeni was in college. He had spent all night studying and so he was getting some much needed rest. I asked him if it was worth it and he told me that it wasn't and that I should never do law. I said that he could eventually become a lawyer and put people in prison, but he told me that he would rather be a housewife. I pasted the movies onto Carmeni's laptop and then told her to work hard so that she could support her housewife husband with her psychologist's pay.

I decided to wait until six o'clock by reading the rest of Jennifer Government in the DSA. I pulled some chairs together and got comfortable, but around an hour later I got a call from Amanda asking what type of motorcycle I had brought to college. She was disappointed when I said I only had the one-seater, so she was just going to walk home instead. Apparently her class had ended early or something, so I told her that I'd be outside her house shortly. I finished a few more chapters, then I got up to leave the college.

Along the way out I spotted Joanna and I just had to share my movies with her, so I did. While we were watching The Meaning of Life, a girl came by with some surveys about gambling. We said we could help her out by filling them in, so we did. When the girl came back to collect the surveys, we were informed that we had actually been deceived. The survey was not actually to find out about our attitudes towards gambling, but to find out what we thought other people's attitudes towards gambling were. The deception was necessary to make sure we didn't subconsciously bias the results. I thought that was pretty cool.

After the survey I got a call from Amanda, and I told her that I would be there in fifteen minutes. Around five minutes later, I was outside her house. See, if you're late what you want to do is tell people you'll be arriving even later than you will, so that when you do arrive they'll note your recent earliness and forgive you for your relatively distant lateness.

Anyway, I arrived right when Amanda was getting back from a walk with Walker. After parking my motorcycle I went over to see if Walker still remembered me, but she didn't. She cowering away from me until I extended my hand and triggered her memory via scent or something. But yeah, after reacquainting myself with the dog, I dumped my backpack on the bar and then went outside with Amanda to teach her how to ride a motorcycle.

The terrain outside wasn't ideal. The street outside Amanda's house is sloped, so we would need to move further up to a flatter piece of road before we could actually do anything. But before we even did that, Amanda had to start the motorcycle. She had some trouble with it, but after I gave her a demonstration she managed to figure it out. Either that or she got lucky. Anyway, the motorcycle was started, so after that we moved up the hill in third gear.

Third gear wasn't a very good idea. There was still too much torque for a beginner, and Amanda almost fell over at one point. Fortunately, I had my hands on the bike for most of the training, so she didn't. After kicking it into fourth things were a lot simpler. Less torque meant slower acceleration and a much more manageable motorcycle.

After Amanda got the hang of using the brake, I was ready to let her try riding for a longer stretch without stopping. I asked her if she ever rode a bicycle before, and she said she hadn't. I said that maybe we should have started with that, since learning to ride a motorcycle before learning to ride a bicycle was like learning to run before learning to walk. Anyway, I told her to accelerate and keep a steady speed, and once I was sure she was stable and the path ahead was clear, I let go. She was still doing fine, so I told her that she was riding on her own. This was a mistake.

The moment she heard that my hands were off the bike, she started panicking. Fortunately I was right alongside her, so I grabbed hold again and told her to slow to a stop, so she stopped. She then told me never to take my hands off again, or at least not to tell her if I ever did.

We drove back and forth a bit more, but eventually we were too tired to continue so we went inside. I had some water and went to wash my hands, but it was very difficult to find soap in Amanda's house. There were many bottles in the bathroom, but none of them seemed to have anything inside. Eventually I resorted to borrowing a bar from the shower.

We were going to go back out again so that Amanda could drive on her own, but then it started raining. I went out to bring my motorcycle under some shelter, and I saw a monkey. Amanda pointed it out. I wish there were more monkeys in my life.

Anyway, when the motorcycle was in a drier place, we sat down to watch a movie. I picked The Meaning of Life, because Every Sperm Is Sacred was stuck in my head and I wanted to watch that scene again. Amanda's laptop was really quiet, too, so it was not as great a viewing experience as it could have been. Also I suspect Amanda is not a Monty Python person, but I guess there are worse things for a friendship than finding out the other person does not enjoy British humour, even if I can't think of any at the moment.

We kept getting interrupted, too. First it was six o'clock and Walker needed to be walked. While we were walking her we met one of Amanda's neighbours. I think his name was DJ. He asked if I was Amanda's cousin, and I said that I was actually her friend from college. He said told Amanda that his first impression of me was that I was just some random guy driving by whom Amanda begged to teach her how to ride. I thought that was funny. Amanda denied that she would do something like that, but after a moment's thought she took it back.

I asked if DJ's dogs were friends with Walker, and Amanda told me about the time one of them got into her house when DJ was out of town and she had to call him to ask him what to do because his dog was "raping her dog". Hahaha.

Anyway, Walker found a place nearby to relieve herself, so we turned around and headed back. Along the way I told Amanda about how Elo didn't know what a hymen was. I said that at least it meant that Elo and Arun were chaste, but Amanda said that Elo might just be really stupid instead. I wondered how stupid you'd have to be not to notice all that pain and blood and not wonder where it came from, but Amanda said there wasn't always blood, so I learned something new that day.

We watched a bit more but then Amanda's mother came home and needed a TV moved into her car, so I helped. It was a wide screen CRT, so it was heavy. It was also hard to grip. Somehow we managed to wrangle it into the back seat. After the TV was in we moved this cool wooden cabinet (or drawers. What's the difference again?) into the back. It only occurred to me after we loaded it that we could have taken some bits out and brought it in piece-by-piece. It would have taken a little longer, but it would have been a lot faster. Oh well, it was done.

We finally reached the Every Sperm Is Sacred scene, but Amanda's mum was still around. I'm not sure if that made it harder or easier to laugh. A little later on, Amanda's dad came home. We stopped watching right before Part III: Fighting Each Other. Amanda had to go pick up her sister, so I went home.

Back at home I was super hungry because I hadn't eaten anything the whole day, so I crammed a huge bowl of spaghetti carbonara into the microwave and set the timer for five minutes. In the meantime I did my exercises so I could take my shower because I was all sweaty from holding up the motorcycle for Amanda. When I was done with my shower, my carbonara was ready and at the perfect temperature. I poured myself a glass of ice-cold water and had the best meal I've eaten in a long while. Amanda was right about what she said that time we went to McDonald's when the prosperity burger was most recently re-released: the best feeling you can feel is when, after a long while of starving, that first mouthful of a decent meal hits your stomach and everything becomes better.

I got comfortable and finished Jennifer Government so I could lend it to Amanda the next day. Hannah kept coming out of her room to troubleshoot our internet connection. Every time she emerged she was surprised that I was still reading. Whatever Hannah, it's a good book.

I had told myself I was going to write two blog posts on Tuesday: one about recent events, and one about all the stuff I had forgotten the between when I stopped blogging for a while and when I started again. I also had told myself that I was going to at least get started on my Bahasa Kebangsaan assignment. However, when I sat down at the computer and tried to type, nothing would come out. I couldn't even get the title done. I just felt lifeless and uninspired.

I soon realized that a shower is usually the last thing I do before bed each day. By taking a shower at eight in the evening, I had basically ended the day as far as my body was concerned. So I brushed my teeth and went to bed early.

The next day was today (or yesterday, since it's been, holy crap, three hours since I started writing this). I already described the start of today. Well, after arriving at college, I sat down and gave Elo the movies. Also this is when the geography conversation might have occurred.

Wow, it's late. Wow, I'm tired. How can I not be sure which of three days a conversation occurred in? I wonder how many mistakes, grammatical or otherwise, I've made in this post. Whatever. Let's just finish this so I can take a shower and go to bed.

There was some talking, then I went with Elo and Arun to get ice cream. Along the way we stopped to talk to some of Arun's classmates who were working on their Psychology assignment. They had missed out on a lot of stuff and were in a lot of trouble. I was glad I was not them.

We arrived in McDonald's for the ice creams, but the machine was broken. I ordered a lunch meal and shared my coke with Elo. We sat next to Roshaan and Deborah (That probably isn't how her name is spelt. I am so tired). Deborah and Arun compared accents. Deborah won because she sounded exactly like a white lady, whereas Arun just said a bunch of nonsense and threw in the word "Mate" whenever he could. We also talked about how girls can get away with saying and doing things to each other that would be considered so gay if guys did them, for example complimenting each other's butts and going to the toilet together.

After lunch Arun and Elo went to class or something, but I found Carmeni and I followed her to get some stuff printed. She was working on a group project with Denise and this fellow named Eugene and two other people I know but whose names I have no hope of recalling in this state. Anyway, while Eugene was getting the stuff printed, I saw a CD by a band called Sodom (or perhaps the CD was called Sodom and the band was called something else). Anyway, I said how gay it was, literally, and Carmeni didn't get it. I explained to her that the cities of Sodom and Gomorrah were destroyed for many sins, but mostly for being gay, hence the term sodomy. "Didn't you ever read the Bible?" I asked her. She said she didn't have as much time as me. I told her that I only needed the first five minutes of my day to read three chapters daily, and by now I had read it three times over. She quizzed me on whether I knew all the beatitudes, so I tried to recite them, but I had forgotten. She had learned them a long while ago, too, and forgotten them.

As we were leaving the printing place I asked her if she remembered the Ten Commandments. She said that she was sure she could. She got the first one right: "Thou shalt have no other gods".
Her second guess was "thou shalt not take the name of the Lord your God in vain", which was wrong. I tried to give her hints by mentioning reality TV, and voting, and Carrie Underwood and Lee DeWyze, but she still couldn't guess that it was the one about not making any idols. When I finally told her she said that wasn't what she learned, and Eugene backed her up. Clearly there was some sort of strange Catholic conspiracy going on, so when we reached the DSA I asked Denise what the second commandment was, and she agreed with me that it was the one about idols.

Fortunately, someone in the group had an iPhone, so I got on Wikipedia and found that apparently the Jews, the Catholics, and the Protestants have different ways of numbering the Ten Commandments. The Catholics include the no idols bit with the no other gods bit, and to make up for it they split up coveting into two parts: your neighbour's wife and your neighbour's stuff. That's silly. What if you're a woman and you're coveting your neighbour's husband?

Anyway, I wondered if the Catholics had any extra books in their Bible or anything, so I looked it up. Apparently they do. Whatever, everyone knows that watching the Director's Cut is better than getting the Deleted Scenes.

After a while of staying to help (or hinder, depending on who you ask) Denise and Carmeni's project, I decided to leave. This was motivated mainly by Carmeni leaving, but also because I had to get my part of the assignment e-mailed to my friends that evening. So I followed Carmeni to her car again, and she graciously offered to drive me to my motorcycle. In return, I moved some cones out of her way so she could get to the exit faster.

I went home and faffed about on the internet. Eventually I tried working on my assignment, but I was stuck. Also the internet wasn't working. So I called up Amanda and asked if I could come over for her help and also to lend her the book and give her her socks back (I had borrowed her socks to go home in because I didn't have time to put on shoes when we were moving the TV into the car and my socks got all soggy and dirty). She said that I could come over and stay until her mum arrived.

As I was driving to Amanda's house I passed Amanda and Walker, so I waited outside the gates for them to arrive. This time, Walker remembered me, so that was nice. Amanda lent me her Malay-English dictionary, which was a godsend. I also found the inspiration I needed to start writing. Amanda's house is cool like that. Also her friend came over to play guitar and he helped a bit. I forgot his name. It might have been Adrian.

At around six o'clock I felt ready to go home and finish on my own, but Amanda was in the shower so I read a magazine about the World Cup while I waited. The Netherlands' odds of winning were given at 1/12.

Eventually Amanda came up looking more fresh (maybe there was something to what Elo and Carmeni were saying on Monday) while wearing similar but different clothes. I wonder if she did that just to see if we'd notice. She probably didn't.

Anyway, I thanked her for the dictionary and the inspiration and I went home. I tried to take a quick nap on the couch, but Jan and Hannah wanted to make Samuel L Jackson on the Wii and they would not let me nap. Eventually they swapped to Mario Kart and I was able to tune them out and start dreaming a little, but then my alarm rang so I woke up. Also it was dinnertime. Dinner was kinda lame, it was dry breaded chicken fillets, but I liked the vegetables. They were boiled and savoury. Typically I don't like boiled vegetables, but as I said, these were savoury.

I am so close to finishing this I can almost taste the sleep.

Anyway, I got on the computer and worked on my assignment for a long time. At eleven o'clock I was done. It took me four hours, but I was done. I sent a text to Amanda thanking her once again for the inspiration and the dictionary, and then I started blogging.

Oh yeah also Jared was at our house for a while and he dropped off some books to read but right now I am done with blogging and I am done with my assignment so I'm going to save these tabs I have open for tomorrow, then I'm going to exercise, then I'm going to take a shower, then I'm going to go to sleep, then I'm going to wake up sometime in the afternoon, then I'm going to go buy a birthday present, then I'm going to study for a quiz that we'll be having on Friday, then I dunno.

But yeah, that's the end for now. Also Carmeni, four is in the afternoon.

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