Things I Will and Won't Miss about Malaysia

At some point after I get my degree, I plan to leave Malaysia and either live somewhere else in the Commonwealth or in the Netherlands. Here's what I will and won't miss about living in Malaysia.

Things I won't miss:
1) The weather. Malaysia has three seasons, and all of them are terrible.

You've got the default season, Hot, where the humidity and equatorial sunlight conspire together to make you start sweating from the second after you finish your morning shower all the way until you get back home, shut all the curtains, turn on both air-conditioners and your fan to prevent everything from melting. You can also look forward to baking inside of your car if you leave it outside for more than five minutes. More than once I've been unable to even leave the parking lot because my steering while is so hot that driving is impossible without oven mitts.

Next you've got Haze, which is what happens every year when Indonesia sets itself on fire to get rid off all the excess wood they end up with from their deforestation and everyone upwind of them gets to enjoy a post-apocalyptic version of their cities where schools close, streets empty, visibility is reduced to almost nothing, and anyone brave enough to venture outdoors does so with surgical masks and bandannas around their faces like they're in a zombie movie. Actually, Haze might be my favourite of the three seasons just because of how awesome everything looks.

Finally you've got Wet, where it rains everyday and flash floods pop up everywhere, ruining your floors if you happen to let the rainwater seep into your house, and causing insane traffic jams on all the roads. One time I was driving to pick my sister up from something or other and I had to drive through what used to be a highway but had temporarily become an urban river. When we got home I noticed that my license plate had been ripped from its screws and swept clean off. Floods are hardcore, man.

2) The traffic. Rain isn't the only thing the causes jams. Cars will also slow to a crawl if there's an accident up ahead, or some particularly exotic roadkill (think python or monitor lizard or giant rat), or if the police have decided to send an inept traffic warden to direct traffic at a busy junction, or if it's between six to nine on a weekday morning, or if it's five to nine on a weekday evening, or if it's anytime on a Friday, or for seemingly no reason at all. It's one of the reasons owning a motorcycle is so great.

3) The hotness. Not to be confused with item #1 on this list, the hotness here refers to the ratio of beautiful people to normal-looking people to ugly people in the country. While we seem to have proportionally as many ugly people as any other country, everyone else seems to be exceedingly plain-looking. Good-looking people are few and far between. It's probably part of the reason that modelling and acting for commercials pays so well around here.

My beliefs about how hot the populations of other countries come from what I've seen personally (for Holland, Australia, and the States), or from documentaries (Australia), the sounds of their voices while I'm at work (Australia, New Zealand), and pictures of my Tumblr followers. That last one might just be because everyone on Tumblr is attractive. It's weird but I challenge you to find an exception to that rule.

4) The food. Every local and tourist you ask will disagree with this point, but however much I wish I did, I do not share their tastes. A lot of the local food here is pretty okay, but everything else is either too spicy or looks like vomit. I don't care how good of an acquired taste it can be, if it looks like someone barfed on my plate and it has the texture of regurgitated toilet paper, I won't be that interested in eating it, no matter how cheap and readily available it is.

Also western food is amazing and freshly-baked bread is amazing and the candy overseas is amazing and those are all things that are nowhere near as common here as they are in, say, the Netherlands or Australia or  New Zealand. Also also, bacon. Malaysia is a predominantly Muslim country, and as such most places do not serve pork. This means no bacon burgers, no bacon pizzas, no bacon anything. It's the worst, you guys.

5) The accents. Malaysian accents tend to be more of the comedy variety, which is part of the reason why killing dudes is so fun in Just Cause 2 ("HE CUT ME WITH HIS WIRE THING") and the Petronas Twin Towers levels in Hitman: Silent Assassin ("You wanna boom-boom with Charlie?"). I'd much rather listen to accents of the sexy (Australia, West Coast USA, New Zealand, parts of the UK), super-chillaxed (Netherlands), badass, or unclassifiable (South Africa) variety.

6) The cockroaches. They fly, they aren't afraid of the light, they're huge, they seem to crawl onto my body way more than random chance would allow for. Also they are everywhere.

Apparently Corinna had never even seen a cockroach before she visited Malaysia. I don't seem to remember ever seeing one in any of my visits to Holland, either. There were some massive mosquitoes that one time, but that actually turned out to be a good thing because it made them so much easier to swat.

7) The ridiculous censorship. Some examples: "I ****ed a Girl"/"I kissed a ****" (actually acknowledged by Katy Perry when she performed here), "Inglourious ********", "Super Sapiens" (Hellboy), Snakes on a Plane (Which was censored for the first fifteen minutes before the board eventually gave up and let everything through except for the "Enough is enough" scene, which is arguably the best one in the movie), District 9 (Where the censorship board was confounded by the speed at which everyone was talking, which resulted in them censoring the words immediately after "Fuck"), Hancock (Where the use of the word "Asshole" was actually a plot point, but every scene with it was cut), Kick-Ass (Where nobody was censored except for Hit-Girl and anyone swearing at Hit-Girl), and The Grey (Where almost a quarter of the movie was cut because Liam Neeson yells at God).

8) The grass. Not cannabis; the actual grass beneath your feet. It's all crabgrass, which is itchy as hell and grows super-fast and doesn't even look that good. It also sucks at collecting morning dew and the ground underneath it is always waterlogged like mad for days after rain.

Things I will miss:
1) My friends and family. Once I leave the country I won't be seeing them again except on Christmases and weddings and maybe the occasional Chinese New Year. If I go to Holland, though, I will have a whole other side of my family to get to know, which could be fun. I'll finally meet my female cousins. Except for my sisters, it's all boys in this generation of Cheahs.

2) The internet. Australia's internet regulations are ridiculously backwards, and the censorship is almost worse than Malaysia's. Also laws against piracy are actually enforced in Europe, which means that I'll have to deal with being months behind American TV shows and I'll actually have to deal with EA and Ubisoft's backwards DRM which causes an endless supply of headaches for legitimate customers but does nothing against pirates.

3) Cheap stuff. Movie tickets are cheap, petrol is subsidized, electronics are cheap, food is cheap, and alcohol is cheap unless it's beer or you actually care about the quality, in which case it is crazy expensive. If I'm overseas, though, I'll probably be using a stronger currency, which will at least make buying things online relatively cheaper.

4) The malls. Like the cockroaches, our malls are huge and everywhere. If you've got the cash, you're never too far from someplace where you can get a good meal, watch a movie, get your groceries, buy a book, buy some clothes, or rush-buy a gift for someone whose birthday Facebook just reminded you it was.

So yeah, the fact that the former list is twice as long as the latter should be a good indication of my feelings about this country. It's nowhere near the worst place in the world, but there are so many places that are so much better so I see little reason to stay once I have the money and skills to survive on my own.

Staccato Roller-coaster

Friday certainly had its ups and downs. I woke up and was on the computer for a bit, and I enjoyed myself because of Tumblr and the Sims Social and also because T-Kun was online so I could talk to her for a very brief while.

I was doing my sit-ups when Hannah and Mama went out to take Ringo to the vet. I decided to stop before I was done so I could go say goodbye to him for the same reason I like to make sure I hug my parents and let them know I love them before I head out for a drive: there's always a chance, no matter how small, that that might be my last moment with them and I want to make sure it's a good one.

After the stairs and a shower, I rushed off to work. I had a stress-free day at work because I stopped worrying about the amount of completes I was going to get and just focused on the calls at hand. I also had some tea, which was nice. In between calls, I browsed Wikipedia. I went from MyKad, to Eddies, to Billabongs, to Waltzing Matilda, to the All-Black's Haka, and then back to Waltzing Matilda. I also ended up reading about the Mechanical Turk and a bit of the bombing of Dresden in between all that. I learn quite a lot in-between calls at work.

Near the end of the day, I lost a complete because the fire alarm went off. I followed the instructions pinned to my desk, but apparently we're not supposed to do that. Next time the alarm goes off and we're almost done, we're supposed to finish up unless the manager gets a call from the alarm company confirming that there's a real fire. That seems quite absurd to me, but I'll roll with it.

I asked Kelly a few questions after work and learned things. I like it when Kelly's around because then I can actually "Refer to [my] supervisor IMMEDIATELY on ANY issues" like the whiteboard near my desk says.

On Saturday, Lutfi will be in, so I won't be able to do that any more because when I ask questions from him it reflects badly on his position as a trainer, so I'll just keep schtum. As Uncle Shark(Shak? Chak? I need to ask him how to spell his name sometime) says, the boss is always right.

Anyway, I stayed back for an extra hour to finish my tabs and to memorize Waltzing Matilda. It is an incredibly catchy song. It ends in hobo-suicide, though, so make of that what you will.

The whole ride home I had the radio off while I sang the unofficial anthem of Australia. When I got home my happiness was promptly murdered when my mother told me that Ringo had died while he was undergoing an operation at the vet to remove a fluid build-up in his lungs. He had been misdiagnosed earlier in the week and so the medicine that I was forcing down his throat to try and make him better weren't actually helping. I'm glad that at least my last memory with him was giving him a goodbye stroke before he went off to the vet instead of fighting with him to get him to swallow pointless pills.

Despite all that, I still had a craving for karaoke that I had let build up all throughout the time I was at work, so I took the set and plugged it in Susanna's TV and we sang together for a while until it was time for dinner and mature grown-up conversation with Uncle Shark, Papa, and Mama.

I left at one point to check my computer, and I found the Secret Recipe website, so I gave the local branch a call to make sure they were still open. I then drove down to pick up some chocolate indulgence for Hannah, because chocolate cake is my default response to sadness among women. When I got home, I put it on a plate with a tiny spoon and then I brought Mercy and a glass of cold water over to Hannah's room. Mercy ran off and Hannah told me that she didn't like cake. She ate half of it anyway, though, and I got to have the other half. I gave her Faith to replace Mercy as role of comforter-in-chief for the next week. Until the ninth of September, 2011, he is her cat.

I then went and had a wee bit of wine and some conversation with my parents and their friend. I have learned from past experience that nobody tells me anything if I blog about everything they say, so this paragraph will be intentionally left vague.

Anyway after that I went on my computer for way too long. I was on Tumblr for a long while and then I read this and then I made a long blog post. I guess after that I'll take a shower and go to bed for a short while before waking up early for the weekend shift, where I will earn a lot of money for a lot of work, and after that it will be Geraldine's birthday party and I will be bringing the karaoke. It looks like it will be a difficult, then very fun day for me.

But yeah, rest in peace, Ringo. Even though you couldn't possibly find a better owner than Hannah in your next eight lives, hopefully you'll at least last a bit longer on your next few times around. Go make some friends your age who will actually want to play with you, and never ever lose your questioning meows. Those are adorable.

So this is my life now

New Year's Eve was fun. Amanda and Joanna came over. Geraldine showed up with her friends and we all played taboo.

Chinese New Year was good. I got a lot of money since it was also my birthday. Ian got me a slice of cake. Jan bought me McDonald's. I gave him RM20 for his birthday. Hannah got me No Country for Old Men.

I read Hannah's present at SEGi, which is where I'm doing my Bachelor's in Civil Engineering. It's a four-year course, so I'll be there for a while. Most of my classmates are from the middle East, which is interesting. One of the subjects I'm doing is Engineering Mathematics, which should go smoothly because I already did that at HELP.

Aron visited. Hannah forgot to return Ruben's hat to him.

We got a package full of licorice from Corinna. When I thanked her on Facebook, she replied that it had been sent on Christmas, which meant that it took more than a month to get to us. Anyway, the licorice was pretty great.

I've been playing Minecraft a lot. It's a very good game. Recently I made a giant mob trap in the sky and a big pit in the ground and a very large staircase into that pit. Also, Ian found some 3D glasses that came with his graphics card, so I can play the game in 3D anaglyph mode and that is pretty great.

My dad's letting me get a car and he's given me a budget. I plan on getting something small and cheap. Jan's learning to drive now, so I guess he'll be sharing it with me.

That's about it, I guess.

Oh, I also went with Amanda to drop Walker off at a shelter. After all her puppies died she started barking all the time and the neighbours started complaining. It was quite sad to let her go.

Also, Hannah got a kitten from her friend, Rebecca. His name is Ringo and he is extremely cute. The other cats don't get along with him so well, but most of the time they keep their distance. The only downside to the kitten is that sometimes he really stinks. Hopefully that'll stop when we castrate him.

Almost 2011

So it's almost a new year. Christmas was nice. I visited Amanda and Carmeni. Amanda had a nicer tree and tastier food but Carmeni's family served a really tasty drink.

Amanda's dog, Walker, had eight puppies. Six of them died, I buried one.

I've been sleeping a lot. It's been nice.

I finished watching all the Community episodes yesterday. It's a good show.

Hannah had me drive her around a lot to visit kittens and such.

For Christmas, I got The Road from Hannah (dang good book; I read it in a day) and a bunch of Coca-Cola contour glasses from Amanda (so cool!) and I got some jeans, a belt, and a polo shirt from my mum. I also got a flashlight from my dad, I think. I drew Hannah in the Secret Santa, so I got her a "How To Take Care of Your Kitten" book and a Buzz Lightyear watch and some other stuff.

Tonight there is going to be a New Year's Eve party at my house but not many people are coming. Amanda and Joanna will be there, which is good. We'll probably order pizza. I got the keys to the roof so we'll have an awesome view of the fireworks, which will be nice. I also got, like, a buttload of snacks so that should be good, too.

Aside from that not much has happened.

Driving, Gua Tempurung, Kuala Woh, and Cameron Highlands with Corinna

As of Tuesday the 16th of November, 2010, this post is incomplete. That's what happens when I procrastinate. It's not my fault that this is such a good, free book. Anyway:

My alarm went off at eight-ish on Sunday. I didn't wake up; I wanted to sleep more.

My dad came in at nine and told me that Corinna was waiting for me, so I woke up.

I showered and I think I may have read the Bible, but I definitely skipped my exercises. I do so little that it doesn't matter, anyway.

I packed some extra clothes and a couple of towels. I decided to put my laser in a bag, too, because why not? Also, I packed some sandals because I didn't want to ruin my shoes

I called Corinna. She had thought we would be leaving a lot earlier because I had told her at one point that I would be waking up at six. I had changed my mind the day before and I thought I told her that, but apparently I hadn't.

Before we got in the elevator I asked Corinna why she hadn't packed extra clothes. She said that she didn't mind getting wet in those clothes because they were old then Malaysian sun would dry them out pretty quick anyway.

We got in the car and I drove. We'd agreed beforehand that I would drive there and Corinna would drive back. I got to the toll for the North-South highway in less them then I thought it would take. After that we just drove and talked.

I spent a while the night before putting songs on my phone to listen to on the way there, but Corinna preferred the radio so we listened to that instead. Some good stuff came on, so I didn't mind.

We talked a bit about Mormons and Rastafarians and Jesus and the Catholic church and abortion and teen pregnancy and palm oil and contraceptives and sexual education. There was other stuff, but I forget.

We pulled into the Tapah rest stop for brunch at KFC. Corinna had never eaten KFC before. We each had a snack plate and large wedges and a box of popcorn chicken. Corinna was too full to finish the popcorn chicken, and she couldn't even look at the chicken leftovers so she just covered them with a cloth instead.

We talked about stuff. I asked Corinna when she wanted to have kids and her answer was a very specific 28, but she had no reasons behind it. I thought that was interesting.

We went to the rest of the rest stop so I could get some drinks and candy and so Corinna could try to find a toilet that wasn't a dirty hole in the ground. When we walked to the food court she almost recoiled from the smell. She said it was the worst smell she had ever smelled. It was just dried fish.

I bought a Red Bull and a Coke and some packets of Nano Nano and some Strepsils and a bunch of lollipops. I also got a razor and some glue. Corinna was gone, so I called her and told her to meet me at the car. Apparently the smell had been too much for her and she left.

I gave Corinna a Nano Nano in the car and her reaction was priceless. She reacted exactly the same way that most Malaysians do when I let them try licorice. She said it tasted like vegetables and vanilla. I didn't think it tasted like that at all. She declared it the most disgusting thing she had ever tasted. She still hasn't tried durian. Anyway, when we got back home I gave her a pack to share with her friends in Germany so she could enjoy their reactions like I enjoyed hers.

Gua Tempurung was easy to find. It's fortunate that I had a leadership camp in that area for college earlier this year.

The entrance for wet tours had ended at twelve and it was already twelve-forty, so unfortunately we couldn't go in. Well, Corinna felt pretty fortunate. She has a fear of confined spaces like submarines and space shuttles and tight crawlspaces in caves, so she was glad she wouldn't have to crawl through a subterranean river. I was a bit bummed. I had packed my boardshorts and everything.

We couldn't even go on the longest dry tour because we needed to have five people. I tried to convince three other people to come with us, but they didn't have enough time, so we ended up buying tickets for the 45 minute tour.

My dad called me right before we were supposed to go in at 1pm. I told him where we were and what we were about to do. He told me to drive safe.

The cave was pretty fun. It was quite cave-like, and I was really glad I had brought my laser. The best place for a laser is a cave, really. There were a lot of stairs and it was very humid and there were a lot of people, so we got pretty sweaty.

When we reached the end of the tour, I asked the guide if he could take us further. He said it was fine, but we'd of course have to pay the extra price as if we had gotten the ticket for the "Top of the World" dry tour. I was very pleased with this, because it meant we could stay for another hour and it would only cost three ringgit more each. A small group of other people decided to come with us, too.

The rest of the tour group started going back, but before they did I let a kid play with my laser. I figured I'd've wanted to play with a laser if I was a kid in a cave, so there was no reason to deprive him. Oh yeah, earlier on in the tour some chick asked if Corinna was my wife. I thought that was pretty funny. Corinna's exact reaction when I told her had been "What?".

Anyway, we continued to the tour to the "Top of the World". There was more walking and more stairs, but it got cooler deeper in the cave so it was alright. There was even a breeze at one point.

Eventually we came to this huge cavern that was the end point. It was, indeed, pretty high up. Previously when I had been there they turned off the lights, but the guide told me that they didn't do that any more. He could turn them off at the place with the breeze, though, so that was nice. In the meanwhile I sat with Corinna and tried to find Top of the World on my phone so I could play it and have everything be all appropriate and stuff, but I had deleted the song. I was pretty upset with myself for that.

We turned around and went to the tunnel with the breeze. I tried to talk to Corinna but she told me to be quiet because the total silence in the cave was really nice. I told her that we couldn't hear the silence even if I wasn't talking because the guys behind us always were. She pointed out that they stopped sometimes, but I didn't. She had a point, because after she said that they did for a few minutes and there was silence and it was nice.

The guide turned off the lights. My laser looked really cool in total darkness. I told Corinna to come check it out, but she didn't come.

Someone walked out of the rails to take a picture. I walked out of the rails because I wanted to walk out of the rails. Also, there was a big rock and I wanted to see if I could lift it. I couldn't. I smelled the dirt, but it smelt like the kind of dirt you get on the side of the walls in condominium basement car parks, so it was a bit disappointing.

We left the cave and we were very sweaty. Corinna still smelled nice, though. I asked her why and she said it was because of her Nivea body lotion or something. I asked her how much it was and if they made one for guys. She said yes to both, so now I know what I'm going to buy with my next pay (aside from polo shirts).

We got in the car. Our drinks were warm. We decided to go to a gas station and buy colder ones because we were still thirsty and also because we needed to refill a Touch 'N Go card so we could pay for the tolls. It cost more than RM20 to get from KL to where we were.

After we bought the stuff and I topped up my card, we got back in the car and drove to Cameron highlands. It was further down the highway than we remembered it being.

Okay, it's almost nine o'clock here at the office. I'll continue this post tomorrow.

Okay, it's tomorrow.

While driving up to Cameron Highlands, I spotted the Sufes campground, which brought back some memories of Writer's Camp many years ago and a BB camp less many years ago. A little ahead of that, I saw a sign for Kuala Woh, and I knew that that was where we had to go.

I missed the turning at first because it was on the wrong side of the road, but I found a place to turn around a little ways down. The road to Kuala Woh was not as well-maintained as the main road up to the Highlands, which made sense.

I sounded the horn as I approached a big turn in the road and explained to Corinna why. It was so that people on the other side would know I was coming so they'd slow down and stick to their side and there wouldn't be an accident.

We parked at Kuala Woh and I'm not sure how I got in my swimming pants. I think I asked Corinna to go wait by the river first.

Anyway, I went down and met her. She thought the water was dirty. I walked around in it for a bit until I found what I was looking for, and I called her over.

Hot springs are cool, especially ones along rivers because then you get the contrast of the cool river water rushing by but the hot spring water bubbling through the sand at your feet. I forgot what Corinna's reaction was but I think she was at least slightly impressed.

I put my shirt with my bag and tried to walk through the river to the other side, but I underestimated the current and was pushed a short way downstream. I hit a lot of rocks, but I didn't get seriously injured. When the water got deeper and calmer I found my footing and walked up to shore and started digging on the hot sand.

The spring water is hotter if you just dig for it because then it doesn't mix with the water from the river and get cooled down. I put a rock in the hole that I dug to heat it up. It got pretty hot pretty fast.

I talked to some Indian guys who asked where I was from and where Corinna was from. They were okay.

I waded across to the other side of the river and started digging again. I called Corinna over and got her to hold a hot rock that I had put in a hole. I think she dropped it and swore. That was funny.

I told her that I didn't want to leave until she had at least gotten her calves wet, because it was silly to come all the way out to the river and not swim in it. It took me a while to realize that she wasn't reluctant to get wet, she was reluctant to get dirty. I have to admit, the water did look kinda nasty.

I noticed a bridge over the river and how wobbly it was and I said we could leave if she went on that with me, but she didn't want to do that, either. Eventually she caved and went in the water. I took another refreshing dip and then told her that we could go, but first I wanted to shake the bridge. I ran up and shook the bridge. It was not as wobbly as it looked. It was hardly exciting.

I went back to Corinna and told her to wait by the bank for a bit while I got changed in the car. I said I'd miscall her when I was done.

She walked to the car before I miscalled her, but I already had my pants on. I asked her why she hadn't waited and she said that nobody takes that long to change. I told her the car was cramped and asked what if she saw me changing. She just did that thing where she blows air through her lips in exasperation. I dropped the subject.

We got back on the road and started driving again. Corinna told me about the dead fish she saw, and also about the dead cat she saw. Kuala Woh had quite a few dead things. Hannah and Jan and my mum went there once and there was a dead snake. Well, it was alive when they got there, but it crawled in the engine and so that's why the car makes a funny noise when it goes too fast.

And that is all I'll write about for today. I like this, pacing my blogging. I'm afraid that, by the time I get around to writing about the long conversation about sex that we had on the way back, I will have forgotten most of the details. The fact is, though, that I already have, and besides I told her that I wouldn't tell anyone until she left the country. If I do tell someone before she goes, she gets to tell everyone something that I'd rather not have everyone hear about that she knows.

I'll continue this after work tomorrow. Shit, after tomorrow there'll only be Friday. That's only two days to write about the next... five hours? Dang.

And it's after tomorrow again. Here we go.

So we were back on the road going up Cameron Highlands, and we were talking about stuff. It was a long road. It was very curvy. There were a lot of dogs on it. It was difficult to overtake people. On two occasions there were fallen branches blocking the road and I had to drive on the wrong lane to get past them. On one of the occasions I scratched the car against it pretty badly.

I can't remember what we talked about. I guess it's for the best. I've lost the inspiration to write this post. It was perhaps not the best idea to spread it over so many days. Oh well, might as well finish it for the sake of finishing it.

Um, at one point on the way to Batu Caves we talked about Corinna's friends and why her friend who slept with basically anyone would not sleep with Asians. I don't know why I remembered that or why I'm putting that here and up the story a few dozen paragraphs where it belongs, but there you go. Anyway, back to the part in the story where we're going up the curvy road.

We passed the cloudbank and kept going. It was quite high up. We rolled down the windows and the air was cool. That was nice. Eventually we saw a really big strawberry and we were in Cameron Highlands.

There was a town and we followed the road and we came across a big brownish-orange lake. Next to it was the Lakeview Hotel. It looked like Europe. We parked and got out and took pictures, then we went in to get a map from reception. Corinna went to use the toilet and I sat down in a very comfortable chair in front of a fire place and wished that I lived there. On our way out we saw someone taking scones and tea to a room. That hotel is now one of my favourite places in Malaysia. It even had a typewriter.

We checked the map and drove down the road to a tea house which overlooked a tea plantation. The tea plantation was vast and cool and beautiful. I ate some scones and had some strawberry tea while Corinna ate a slice of carrot cake and drank some plain tea. I thought it was a bit pointless to go all the way there to drink normal tea, but oh well.

I washed my hands and even the water felt like Europe. It was so cold and nice. I really like Cameron Highlands.

We went for a walk in the tea plantation. On our way in, two Dutch tourists passed us, so in addition to the trees, the smell, the temperature, and the air, for a brief moment it sounded like Holland, too. That was nice.

There was a sign that forbade people from plucking the tea leaves, so I plucked a sprig of pine or something instead. It was from I tree that I didn't see much elsewhere but it smelled very nice. I dropped it halfway through our walk and I was sad because it really did smell nice.

We talked about how I had told the girls I liked that I liked them. I think Corinna said that I shouldn't do that any more. I can't remember, though.

We took some pictures in the tea. I tried to climb up a hill but I didn't get very far. I got quite wet from all the dew and such on the leaves. It was quite drizzly.

After we got out of the tea plantation we drove back down to try and find a strawberry place, but they were closed. I pulled over across from the Lakeview Hotel and let Corinna drive.

On the way down we talked about sex. Midway through the conversation, Corinna told me that if I told anyone anything she'd said, she'd kill me. I told her that I wouldn't say anything until she left the country. She said that was alright. I told her something embarrassing about myself so if I betrayed her trust then she could betray mine.

I learned a lot about sex during that drive. I really wish I lived in Germany. Malaysia seems so boring. And the women are pretty sexually repressed here; Corinna was shocked to find that none of my friends had ever masturbated or experienced an orgasm and they all thought oral sex was gross. (I'm going to go ahead and assume that I'm allowed to talk about Corinna's reactions to what I said. That could lead to trouble. I should probably cut this short.)

The rain got worse and the sky got dark and our windows started to fog up. It was difficult to see out of them due to all the condensation, and we struggled with that for the rest of the drive. Corinna got pretty upset with the windshield for being so crap.

On the way down, I took out my laser and shined it out the window of the car and that was fun. I couldn't hit any of the nearby mountains with the beam, but I didn't mind.

We talked about vibrators and pornography and (loss of) virginity and Corinna's "type" and herpes and contraceptives and many many other things that nobody else would talk to me about so that was nice. I'd list more but I'm probably already to close to saying something I shouldn't, so I'll stop. Also I can't really remember much of the conversation.

We got back home and I said goodnight to Corinna and think I went on the computer for a bit and then I went to bed. I'm not sure. I know I felt quite depressed and lonely for some reason that night. That tends to happen after I spend a lot of time with people and then I suddenly stop being around them. The transition usually isn't so quick and it usually isn't after spending only one day with a person.

Oh well.

Hey, I'm done.

Actually, I'm not. We also went to Pizza Hut after we got back to the city but before we got home. Corinna was happy because she had been craving pizza all day. She'd never eaten in Pizza Hut before. We ordered too much food and I had a slice of pizza and it was good. I liked it. We didn't finish everything we ordered and Corinna wanted to pay for me, but I didn't want to let a girl pay for my meal so we split the bill. She ended up paying more but then again I did eat a lot less.

Okay now I think I'm done.

Updating for Updating's Sake (and of Course this Grew into a Longer Post than Intended)

I have a lot of unread items on my Google Reader feed. I have three weeks of webcomics to catch up on. I have two weeks to blog about. I'll do that all later. Like, end of the month later or something.

I'm going clubbing tonight with Amanda and Milan and the rest. They said it's cool if I bring Corinna along, so I'm going to see if she wants to come.

Tomorrow we're going to Gua Tempurung, and then after that we're going to Cameron Highlands. We're using my mum's car because she's in the Netherlands with Hannah for my grandmother's funeral. I spoke to my Oma a week before she went. She sounded small and a little bit confused. She's with her husband now, I guess, so that's nice.

I don't have any more maternal grandparents.

Yesterday (technically, today), I was at the office for a long time. My shift ended at nine, I stayed on until ten watching the new Glee, and then I called Sara on Skype and talked to her for the next three hours. There was only one other person at the office. I moved all the abandoned chairs to my area of the cubicle farm. I felt like a furniture king. Anyway, I decided to hang up at 1:30am so I could go home and get some sleep, so I did. My card wouldn't work in tagging me out, so I had to get the other guy to let me out. I then realized that I had left my keys on my desk, so I had to yell from outside for him to let me back in. He was a patient dude, luckily.

When I got to the car, there was a dog napping underneath it. It had a hurt paw. It looked really cute. I took two pictures, but I can't upload them right now because I didn't bring my transfer cable to work.

When I got home I lost Ian's USB stick. I went back to the car to look for it, but it wasn't there. When I came back upstairs it was lying on the welcome mat. I felt a bit silly when I noticed that.

Jan was still awake, listening to the Ricky Gervais show. I took a shower and went to sleep at two-thirty.

The next morning I went through my morning routine, ate some sausages and bacon with Corinna and Aunty Rosie, and checked my e-mail. Then I went to work.

So far work has been okay. It took me a while to log in because of some technical hiccups, but it just meant that I didn't have to answer calls for the first twenty minutes. We were supposed to have some important clients visiting, so I wasn't on Tumblr or Conquer Club the whole day. For my break I went up to the roof and I saw that I had a text from Amanda asking if I wanted to go clubbing. I like getting drunk and seeing my friends get drunk, so I said I would.

When I got back I went up to the ops team to talk to them about something, and someone had left their phone on their desk. Nina (the nice lady in charge of approval for lunch and breaks) wanted to hide the phone. I asked if she wanted me to take it down to Sukarno (my boss) when I went back to my desk, since apparently it's his last day and it would be a nice (albeit short-lived) going-away present. She said she did, so I did. I'm not sure what he's done with it.

The fire escape in this building has "no smoking" signs on every floor, but even during an actual fire you're still more likely to die of smoke inhalation on the stairs than you are inside the actual floors. I guess illiteracy is like mouth cancer and coughing: just another side-effect of cigarettes. I'd pity smokers if they weren't all so stupid about their mortality.

I only really have to write about the weekends. I need to write about Halloween and Batu Caves and Megamind and Tropicana City Mall and that's pretty much it. Should be pretty simple. Work days are all the same anyway.

Oh. I also need to upload all the pictures of me with the snakes and the bearded dragon and Catholic Jesus up at Batu Caves. They're on Corinna's camera; I have to remember to get those from her sometime.

I don't know what my opinions are regarding Sara Elizabeth Madren. On the one hand I really really like talking to her, on the other hand I can never decide if I'm infatuated with her or not. I'm pretty sure I will be tonight, because I'll be drunk and I'm infatuated with every pretty girl when I'm drunk.

I'm running out of money. After tithing RM400 to Beacon Life Training Centre to help buy stuff to help the special needs kids, I think I'll only have, like, RM300 left. I'm probably going to spend RM200 tonight and maybe half that tomorrow (not counting petrol), so I'm going to have to starve a bit near the end of the month. Oh well.

Man, it's gonna suck to be unemployed again. It's gonna suck worse to be in university, but at least I'll be able to make new friends. It's the in-between period that'll get me. I'll be pretty bored. I should get a laptop and install all the awesome games of the past three years on it. That should tide me through.

I need more money.

Ten Things that Happened Since My Last Post

1) The weekend shift:

Watched some movies, went on Tumblr, answered a few phone calls, earned a couple hundred bucks. It was pretty great.

2) The next three weekdays:

Wake up too early, eat a lot, work a lot, sleep a lot. I was in bed at six o'clock on most days, I think. It was pretty exhausting. I had no time to Tumblr or blog or anything. Ian had started his training, so he sat with me and listened to some calls.

3) Dinner at Outback:

My bosses cancelled at the last minute, but that just meant that I had more money to spend on other stuff. Also, I had already eaten at the Outback Steakhouse with my brothers and my dad and Corinna on Wednesday. It was really tasty, and thankfully she is attractive. I was worried because before she came I had been picturing her as a pretty person and then I realized that she might not be one and then I'd be disappointed, so I tried to lower my expectations but I couldn't picture an ugly German twenty-year-old, so I kept picturing her as pretty and I'm glad that I wasn't disappointed.

4) Chilean miner rescue:

Chi Chi Chi!

Le Le Le!

Los mineros de Chile!

5) Thursday out with Hannah and Corinna and Jan:

We went to the KL tower first. We parked for free (in the city!) at this place near this two-way road that looked like a one-way road. We then walked up a hill (Bukit Nanas) and saw a dude with a monkey. Jan failed to photograph the monkey in time. I took some photographs of the day. They're down near the bottom of this album. Hannah took some pictures, too, but her privacy settings aren't right for strangers to see them.

The KL tower itself was pretty great.

We decided that we'd go up to the observation deck. Hannah got me to pay for her ticket.

We stayed there for quite a while. They had these headset-video combination guides that would tell you a little bit about what you could see from each window. That was pretty cool. After I was done with the guides I went out to look at stuff through the binoculars. I found our house.

Jan didn't believe that I could see our balcony from there, so I called my dad and told him to walk onto the balcony, then I passed the phone to Jan and I went to look through the binoculars. The exact moment our dad walked on the balcony, I told Jan. Then he believed me. My dad started waving and I could see that. I let Jan and Corinna have a look, too. My dad waved Jan's green underwear to make himself more visible.

After that we mostly looked used the binoculars to find rooftop pools. The first one we found had two women with bikinis on it. That was the best one.

After we were done playing with the binoculars on the roof and looking around a lot, we left the observation deck. I hung around outside the elevator staring at the roof, which was awesome.

From now on in this post I think I'll leave all but the best pictures out. Just head to my album if you wanna see the cool stuff. I might add them in later but I'll probably be too tired.

Anyway, we went down to the zoo at the bottom of the tower. There's a zoo there, and admittance is free if you've bought a ticket to the observation deck. I knew it was going to be awesome when a bunch of guys carrying this giant python came past us at the entrance. Also at the entrance were a bunch of prairie dogs and a naked mole rat (Tikus Belanda in Malay, which is more amusing than offensive) and also a parrot that actually talked. It said "Rawk! Hello!". It was fantastic.

Inside the zoo itself were loads of reptiles and spiders and monkeys and tortoises and turtles and stuff. It was awesome. Oh, there was a two-headed turtle. I am not making that up. Also, there were chickens. I'm not sure if they were actual display animals or food for the snakes or whatever, but they were there.

I took some pictures with a snake. I had to take a tiny one because the big ones were RM30 for a photoshoot, whereas the tiny ball python was just RM5. The dude forced it onto Hannah after my time was up, so I had to pony up another five bucks for that. It was worth it for the look on her face, though. My phone ran out of memory after the first picture of me with the snake, so I didn't get to take a picture of Hannah and the snake. Jan did, though.

After the zoo we went back to the car. Along the way I deleted Bad to the Bone and a few remaining songs from the Inception soundtrack to make way for more pictures. We walked past this F1 thing that we could've done for free, but didn't. We also passed a sad monkey.

We took the car to KLCC and parked. Then we went to McDonald's and exploited the free refills which Corinna told us they don't have in Germany. Hannah went to the toilet for a while. We went to the front of the KL towers to take pictures. Mine turned out really nice.

We went to the back of them to play in the park. Hannah wanted to play, but Jan was being a killjoy and he changed her mind. I lost some of my will to play when I got a muscle cramp trying to hang upside down on the monkey bars. Corinna said that the age limit for playgrounds was 13 in Germany, and she hadn't been on one since kindergarten. I was unable to convince her to try again. Playground are great.

Jan started moaning about how lame playgrounds were or something, so we left. Hannah and I spotted some swings so we tried to swing on those, but the security guards nearby were being anal and they started blowing their whistles so we left.

We sat around and watched the fountains, then we took some pictures of the towers at dusk, then we went back into the mall. We were supposed to go back to the front and take some pictures of the front of the tower at night, but I guess we forgot or something because we went to the PetroScience gift shop instead. It's so cool. There is so much cool stuff there. If you want me to be happy with your birthday presents for me, buy them from that gift shop. They have glow-in-the-dark stuff and dinosaur stuff and science stuff and it's all awesome.

After that Jan didn't want to hang out any more and my dad wanted us to go home unless everyone wanted to keep going so we had to go back.

6) Petaling Street:

Traffic was bad, parking was tough. We found two parking places that were both closed at ten, and it was nine-something, so we had to go somewhere else. Fortunately, the parking outside Central Market is open 24 hours, so we parked there.

We is Hannah, Corinna, and me, by the way.

Anyway, I bought a green laser thing (haggled down from RM130 to RM70), a low-quality rubix cube (to RM3 from RM5), a bottle of hand sanitizer from KK Mart, some candy from the same place, a drink also from KK Mart, a bag of mangosteens, and a pair of knockoff Oakley wraparound sunglasses, the same kind as the Chilean miners were wearing when they got out (Bargained down from RM45 to RM18. I got congratulated by one of the dudes in the next stall for managing that). Hannah bought the same drink as me from KK Mart. Corinna's also only purchased stuff from the KK Mart; she got a bunch of postcards.

It was a pretty great store. They had a wanted poster out front for one of their ex-employees. It was for RM2k. I remarked that he must've run off with either the till or the owner's daughter to warrant such a reward. Also, there was this restaurant outside that had, on a stick, the biggest prawn I had ever seen. It was practically a lobster at that size, and it cost lobster-price, too. They also had squids on a stick. I think the only reason they get customers is because of tourists' girlfriends going "I wouldn't ever dare eat that! Would you?" to their boyfriends and the next thing you know they're sitting in front of a plateful of crustaceans and cephalopods on sticks and wondering why they even decided to travel to this bloody country in the first place.

After buying stuff we got in the car and went home. Corinna told us about Germany. We told her about Malaysia. It was fun.

7) We mentioned the war:

We mentioned it more than once, and I think we got away with it.

8) KK Mart sells KK Mart brand whiskey:

This isn't a thing that happened since my last post. This has probably been going on since long before then. Still, it's a pretty cool thing.

9) I didn't get to give Amanda and Milan their ice-cream:

They both claimed to be sick. I wasn't aware that "not wanting to hang out with Shaun" was a disease. Hannah told me that it was, though. She gets it all the time. You'd think she'd be immune by now, but I think it's one of those things that gets even stronger each time you catch it.

10) I got a wee bit addicted to Tumblr:

I can't help it. My followers are just too wonderful. I'm asking them loads of questions. I ask so many questions to so many people that I can't even read all of the answers any more. The ones that I do read are great, though, so I'm gonna assume the rest are great, too.

Airport, Pictures, Hannah and Her Friends, Movies, and Other Things

So I said I would continue blogging, and I was not lying.

Yesterday (Saturday) we went to a mall and I read a good book by a cool guy named Rhys Thomas. I know he is cool because I later read that he sent a free copy of the book I was reading to a girl who had posted a cool review of his other book on her blog. That is a thing only cool people do. Anyway, the book was called On The Third Day and it was about an epidemic that removed all the hopes from people and then killed them exactly three days later. They didn't mind because without hopes their lives were meaningless. Even though I only made it through a third of the book before I was interrupted, I very much enjoyed it. Hannah, Ebony, and Yii-Huei (H.E.Y. from now on for the sake of convenience and fun acronyms, but without the periods, because groups of girls are always better when periods aren't involved) had gone to watch Charlie St Cloud. Afterwards they told me it was okay. I told them the book was awesome. I hope this will make them start reading. It probably will not, though.

Hannah was upset with me for something that was actually her fault, but I bought her ice cream to cheer her up because I read somewhere that girls like ice cream. It didn't really work, so I tried initiating some gossip, because I read that girls like that, too. She felt a little better after that.

Well, it wasn't actually gossip. It was the platypus game. I've explained the name before, but I shall explain it again. The name has nothing to do with the game, Hannah just likes the way it sounds because she's a 13-year-old girl and they are allowed to be whimsical and silly like that. Basically the game is truth or dare without the truth. It was... enlightening. We also played it in the car that we took to the mall and in the sauna that we will encounter later on in this story.

Hannah promised we would go to the sauna. The sauna is something I enjoy but something I don't like to do alone. Yii-Huei and Ebony enjoy the sauna. Hannah enjoys doing things with her friends. Everyone wins.

The sauna was hot and there was a lot of steam, which is exactly what you would expect from a sauna but just because something is expected it does not mean it cannot be fun. We left six minutes earlier than we had planned because it got too hot. Next time we will last longer. There may not be a next time, though.

Hannah cried when Stefanie left. Hannah is currently quite upset with me. This paragraph could fit anywhere in this blog post, and there are probably better places for it, but this is the place that it was when I wrote it and I don't feel like moving it.

Today was Sunday. Church was church, but the sermon was more interesting than usual due to a guest speaker. I did not have gum to stay awake, so I looked through pictures on my phone and showed them to Jan and HEY. Jan thought this one was particularly hilarious:

Ebony was reading the fourth Harry Potter book next to me. I've never read any of the Harry Potter books or watched any of the movies, and this usually surprises people. Based what I saw on the pages I read over Ebony's shoulder (She is a slow reader, I had plenty of time to read her pages and look at pictures and also listen to the sermon a bit), I'm going to say that JK Rowling is a pretty good writer. I guess I wouldn't mind a Harry Potter box set for Christmas, but I'd still much rather have a Stephen King collection or The Zombie Survival Guide or anything by Max Barry or even The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo.

After church, Yii-Huei went home with her family and I dropped Ebony off at her house and then I dropped Hannah off at Grace Assembly for a Royal Rangers 22nd anniversary. She likes a guy there, I think. I hope it isn't David Soh. I think it's another guy she says she hates. I followed her inside. The uniforms don't look that bad, especially when you compare them to the junior uniforms that BB has. Ugh, who thought those shorts were a good idea?

Anyway, as I left I met David's dad. I should have greeted him with "Old man, old man", but I did not. I did not say goodbye in that fashion either. Oh well, we all have regrets that we must live with.

I took a nap when I got home.

I watched Outsourced with Jan and Joel. They were both texting and talking and so everything was less funny than when I watched. People should give more things their undivided attention. That way there would be less collisions on the road, and also people would enjoy things more. It's not like the texts are going anywhere, anyway.

True Love is an objectively good song. Even if you were to ignore who was collaborating on it, it is a nice sounding song that most people would enjoy. Prove me wrong, Hannah.

After watching outsourced I may have taken a nap. I am not sure.

Stuff happened. I can't remember. It probably was not interesting. You know what is interesting, though? This.

Ian, Jan, and Joel were gambling. I strung some of Jan's bets and won around RM10 from Ian. Everyone was happy after the gambling was over, with the exception of Ian, whose gambling debts had recently reached three digits for the umpteenth time. I wouldn't go so far as to say that he probably has a gambling problem, but I will say that gambling probably gives him problems.

Hannah, my mother, and I went downstairs for dinner. Joel was waiting for us there. Do not fear, Joel is not omnipresent; time had passed and he had gone downstairs first. Dinner was tasty and somewhat expensive but that was fine because I paid with my winnings.

When I get my pay cheque I will tithe a tenth, save half (or thereabouts), and spent most of what's leftover on food. Everything else will either go to gambling, Hannah, or movies. This is an arrangement that I am happy with, but some people think it is a bad idea. I think some people are wrong sometimes. Actually, I think most people are wrong most times. That does not mean that I am not most people, but it does not mean that I am, either.

We talked about stuff over dinner. Politics, my grandfathers (They are awesome; did you know that? One sabotaged Nazi operations during the German invasion of the Netherlands a little over half a century ago, and the other killed communist terrorists for a while before moving on to spying on them and figuring out ways to destroy them from the inside), science and religion, my future, Hannah's future, relationships, and other stuff. It was fun. Hannah was on her iPod for half of it. Typical teenager. Typical Hannah, actually.

I need a best friend. I don't have one; I never have had one. Well, maybe I don't need one, but I want one. If she's a girl it's a plus. I would settle for an awkward loser, at least then we would have something in common. I would settle for a dog. I would settle for a cat. I already have a cat. I guess that'll do, then.

I still have to write about clubbing. I will get to that. Look, I'll make a deadline for myself. Something will happen to the clubbing post by Wednesday. Early Thursday morning latest. I'll find something to sincerely compliment my brothers about if I don't update the post. There, it's said. It'll happen now.

I also said I'd write about movies and something else. Jan and I went to see Resident Evil: Afterlife with El-Hanan a few days ago. It is the third movie I've seen more than once in cinemas. Inception was five times, the Dark Knight was two and a half times. Afterlife is undoubtedly the shittiest movie of the three, but it was worth watching for the 3D. Proper 3D is worth the eighteen ringgit. Do not bother with that post-production bullshit, or else I will think less of you as a person. I will do the same if you pay to watch shit like Epic Movie and Vampires Suck and all that other Friedberg and Seltzer bullshit.

That one 3D owl movie looked nice. I might watch it if I have someone to watch it with.

Oh yeah, I also had to write about going with friends to surprise Nicholas at the airport. Basically, after work I spent a whole lot of money going to KLIA to say goodbye to one of my friends' boyfriends. I went because I don't get out much and I would do pretty much anything as long as I knew my friends were there, too, and it didn't involve too much lawbreaking. I was told Amanda wasn't going to be there. "Oh well," I thought, "Joanna is pretty fun and there is much wisdom within the mind of Davinia that I can attempt to obtain. Also, I should probably say a proper goodbye to Nicholas since I was kinda drunk the last time I saw him. Also also, Carmeni is going to be sad afterwards and maybe there is something I can do."

In retrospect, there was nothing I could do except be there, really.

On the way there I stopped at this place along the highway and I got my Touch 'n Go credit moved from my inactive MyKad to a new Touch 'n Go card. I used RM40 of the credit that night alone. The road to KLIA is an expensive one. Parking's pretty bloody pricey, too. I've still got RM50 left or something, so that should last a while. Or so I hope.

I ate Burger King and was just about to take a nap in a booth when the girls found me. We hung out for a bit. Joanna and Carmeni stayed at one spot for a while while Davinia and I went to look at aeroplanes. You guys, aeroplanes are really big. It's awesome. Did you know they fly? They are huge and metal and they fly all over the place. Awesome.

We got back and took pictures. Then we got a call and Nicholas was in the airport. We surprised him. We went to McDonald's. Carmeni sat with her boyfriend and his family. Joanna, Davinia, and I sat at another table nearby. At the airport McDonald's is a bloody rip-off, too. Burger King offers the same menu and the same prices, but McDonald's doesn't care. McDonald's is like the country it represents; it's so large and ubiquitous that it thinks it can do whatever it wants and that it can get away with it. Right now it's right, but the times, they are a-changing.

Sometimes, even I'm aware of how crazy I sound.

After McDonald's, Davinia's phone rang. It was the kind of phone call that you can't discuss in front of a guy, so she went off with Joanna for some girl time and girl talk, whatever that is. Meanwhile, Nicholas' family was taking some final goodbye pictures. I ended up in the group photos but, because they were away, Joanna and Davinia did not. That's not really fair; they know Nicholas better than I do.

A few more pictures were taken, and then Nicholas left and Carmeni started crying. I am terrible at reading emotions because I thought she looked like she was handling the whole thing quite well up until then.

We hung out some more and then the girls went to the toilet and I went home.

Here are the pictures of the night that I took with my phone and one that I did not:



So yeah, that is the story of the time my friends and I showed up at KLIA to make sure that Nicholas Rodriguez could have a little more time with Carmeni before they had to say goodbye for a while.

I'm not sure what to put in this paragraph. I'm not sure what to put in most paragraphs. Usually I just type my thoughts and that turns out quite well. This is a transition paragraph that I feel should be a bit more solemn than usual.

This is also a transition paragraph. This one is about how I just recently learned that "swig" and "swing" are different words. Never again will I say "another swing of wine". Not that I ever said it before, but at least if I ever need the phrase in future I will be saying it right.

This is not a transition paragraph. This is me, blogging. I texted people almost out of nowhere recently. I asked my friends to recommend a best friend for me. Davinia gave me sound advice. Joanna also gave me good advice, but over Windows Live Messenger so that she wouldn't have to use credit or something. Amanda did not reply and I hope that it is because she was busy or out of credit but I guess it might also be because she did not want to. Saundra replied, but I'm not really sure why I sent it to Saundra.

I want a girlfriend. I won't settle for a cat on this one.

There, now I'm done blogging, and it's only twelve. All I have to do is upload all my recent pictures, tweak the HTML, add a few more thoughts, upload, and I'm done.

Oh, I joined Twitter. I wonder why I didn't mention that earlier. I've wanted to join ever since I found out that astronauts have Twitter accounts and they send tweets from space. Until then I had never realized how badly I have wanted to receive electronic communications from space.

Electronic communications... FROM SPACE.

You guys that is so awesome.

Anyway, I'm going to upload the rest of my photographs now. Well, I won't really be uploading them. They're already online, on Facebook. I'll just be attaching them to this post. If Zachary Bower is right and Facebook is just a fad, then when my children read this post there will be nothing here but a bunch of white squares with "x"s in them, assuming my children are reading this with an ancient (by future standards, of course) version of Internet Explorer, which is a silly thing to assume, since Google will probably own the internet by then. What's the Chrome icon for a dead image?

But yeah, pictures. Enjoy:




Okay I think that some explanation is required for some of those pictures. From the top down: Some owls Hannah drew in church last week, a few pictures I took for Hannah in church when she was trying to see what her braid looked like (it did not look nice, as you could see), Hipster Hannah in Cotton On, cats and kittens at Bukit Kiara, Hannah and Yii-Huei and their attempts to hide from the camera, and finally Mercy and her son being cats.

I enjoyed writing this post more than I usually enjoy writing blog posts. I think that may be because it is still so early in the night (it is not even 1am yet).

By the way, did you notice any errors in this post? Yes? Then you should tell me; I can't fix them unless I know where they are.

Oh yeah, Daylight Savings Time is in effect now, which means that work starts an hour earlier and ends an hour earlier, too. I don't mind waking up early, especially for what they're paying me.

Country Club and Cloverfield

A little over three hours ago, it was Friday. I woke up at four in the afternoon on Friday. Hannah woke me up to ask me if I was going to drive her and Ebony to the KL Golf and Country Club so they could bowl. I asked her when she wanted to leave, and she said right then. I told her that I would need half an hour. We haggled over how much time she'd give me and we compromised at 23 and a half minutes. Or maybe 22 and a half. Whatever.

Anyway, I got up and started reading my Bible, but then my mum said that she would drive them there instead. When I was done with my chapters for the day, I told them to wait for me while I did the stairs and got ready to go out. My mum asked how long it would take, and I said seven minutes, so she agreed. I ended up taking nine.

Jan joined us to go bowling. I bowled terribly at first (12) and ended up bowling better but still terribly after some tips from my mum (54, I think). While we were bowling, a couple of girls were sitting nearby, and I told Jan I'd give him five bucks if he had the balls to go over and talk to them for long enough to get their names. He didn't, but he told me he'd give me three bucks if I were to do the same. I told him that I would right after I finished bowling my next turn. The girls left right as my next turn started. Oh well.

After that we went swimming. Originally I didn't want to swim, but everyone else was swimming and Jan told me that the showers were awesome, so I decided to swim so I would have an excuse to take a hotel-quality shower (I am a huge fan of hot water). The showers were really good. KLGCC has an infinity pool, so it looks pretty cool. I lost my last pair of contact lenses when I opened my eyes to see how near the end of the pool was while swimming underwater, but it wasn't too bad since my contact lens supply was only supposed to last six months and it ended up lasting around a year. It does mean that I'll have to wear my glasses to Nick's farewell party, though. Oh yeah, there were also snails at the pool.

When we got back, Aunty Rosie had made a tasty dinner with great homemade fries. The fries were a bit soggy because we got home late, but they were still great.

I watched Cloverfield again and read all about it. It's still one of my favourite movies and Hud is still the character I still enjoy having been compared with most (the others being Columbus, Sheldon Cooper, and Fogel, in that order). I want to watch it again soon, but with a friend this time.

It's now very late so I'm going to bed again. This time I hope to wake up at around ten. I got a miscall from the lady who owns the dogs when I was swimming. Hopefully she was calling to say that tomorrow I can visit the dogs that I helped rescue. I sent a text for clarification.

I dislike residual feelings of attraction because they make you jealous and petty even when you don't want to be. I'm happy for both of them, really, it's just that sometimes my subconscious is not. My subconscious is a dick.

Last Class and Doggies (Last Friday)

So Friday was an interesting day.

After my usual morning routine, I went to the bank to deposit my allowance, which my dad had given to me in cash for some reason. While I was there, I also got my Maybank2u account reactivated. Apparently if you don't log in every three months or so, they'll shut you down automatically.

When I was walking back to my motorcycle from the bank, I saw my cousin Daryl leaving McDonald's. I asked him what he was doing in Bangsar and he told me that he had been working here for the past year. Apparently he works in the building just across from Devi's. He saw my mum and my brother eating there a few months ago but they said nothing to me. Nobody tells me anything. But yeah, it was cool meeting him.

I went to the KPD for my last Bahasa Kebangsaan class. I was half an hour early so I reviewed all my material from the past three months. When Ms Belinda arrived we got our marks back for our Tugasan and reviewed what the most important things for the exam were going to be. At the end of the class we got our overall marks. The highest was 42.5 out of 50, the average was around 35 out of fifty, I got 33 out of 50, which meant that I needed to score 17/50 on my final to pass.

After that class was over, and it was only 4:30, so we had finished two hours early. That was nice. Some of my classmates were waiting for the bus, I asked them what their scores were. Roy and Lee Kening both scored 25, and two other people I asked were only 2.5 and 1.5 points under me.

When I was walking to my motorcycle to go home, I heard a commotion behind me. I saw these two German Shepherds bounding around the place scaring everyone with their friendliness. It was quite funny, so I followed them around. They had collars, so I checked them for tags, but they didn't have any. A guard came up to me and told me to get control of my dogs since they were causing trouble. I told him they weren't my dogs, but I took them away anyway.

I spent the next few hours trying to help them find their owner. I wrote about it already but I'll repost the whole thing here in case the link ever stops working and I still want to read about it.

"As I was leaving class today, a couple of Alsatians bounded out of the foliage and started being very friendly with people. Most people did not take kindly to this. I thought it was quite amusing to see people freak out over the dogs, so I followed them into a bus queue. After accidentally inspiring fear into the crowd of pedestrians, they moved on down the sidewalk. I took some pictures of them while waiting for their owner to show up.

Doggies!

Male doggie!

Top of female doggie! Also shoes!

It soon became apparent that the owner of the dogs wasn't going to show up, and they were lost. They had collars, though, so I decided to check them for tags. First, though, I offered them my hand to smell. They were very affectionate and didn't act at all aggressive, so I moved on to a side rub, and then I examined their collars. Neither of them had tags, which either meant that they were unregistered or they were registered but without tags because they had identification chips implanted in their shoulders. They were happy, healthy dogs, so I assumed the latter, but without a scanner the chips were useless.

A guard came over to me and told me to get my dogs out of the area because I was creating a situation. I told him they weren't my dogs, but I'd try to use them. I managed to herd them away from the crowd and back where they came. It wasn't hard, all I had to do was grab the lady-dog's collar and walk her over and her guy-friend would follow. It was obvious that they were in this together.

Once the dogs were away from the bus queue and the main road, I had to figure out what to do with them. I couldn't leave them and go home, since they would go right back to the bus queue and annoy all the Muslims, who can't touch them, and the women, who are generally just scared of large animals. I couldn't call the police since their policy for stray dogs was to destroy them (they have these poles with nooses on the end so they can kill the animals without having to touch them), I couldn't call my parents because they wouldn't want dogs in our car or our apartment and besides our cat would probably murder them, and I couldn't call the shelters because I didn't have any of their numbers.

I tried asking passers-by if they knew the dogs, but nobody had ever seen them around before. I asked them if they had the numbers of any shelters I could call, but they didn't. I could only hang on to one dog at a time, so occasionally one would run up to someone and start sniffing them. The more frightened people were, the more excited the dog got. Soon I was telling people not to run because that he'd just chase them. He just wanted to play, but the way people reacted you'd've thought he was Cujo or something. It was quite funny to watch, though.

I realized I needed some kind of leash, so I wandered around with the lady dog until I came across an abandoned chair with police tape around it. I unwrapped the tape and strung it through a loop in the lady dog's collar. Her friend ran ahead and she trotted after him and I got dragged along for a bit until the tape broke. I restrung the collar with twice as much tape, and after that it was unsnappable.

LARGE DOG DO NOT CROSS

Now that I had a leash I could tie her down and call my brother to ask for the SPCA's number. He looked it up and gave it to me and I tried calling it, but nobody was answering. An American lady walked by and asked me if the dogs were mine and I said they weren't. She asked me if I knew where an ATM was and I told her there was one just around the corner. I asked her if she knew the numbers of any shelters or anyone who could help, and she told me that she hadn't been in the country long and the only number she knew was for the American embassy. I told her they were German Shepherds so the embassy might not be very helpful. We talked for a while and then she left to get money and wished me good luck with the dogs' owner.

After she left I still had no idea of what to do. Meanwhile, the male dog went and took a big shit in the middle of the street.

He is happy because he has just made himself king of the road.

I settled tying some of the police tape leash to a sign and waiting for someone to show up who either knew the number of a shelter or who had a phone that could go online and find such a number. I had plenty of time to wait since my class had ended two hours early due to it being the last class of the semester so the final was tomorrow morning.

I met a few people while I was waiting. There was a lady who went into her office and got the number of a shelter from the internet, but nobody picked up. There was a guy who stopped and told me that the dogs had been around since his classes started in the morning. He tried to help me figure out what to do while his friend stood a safe distance away because of the largeness of the dogs and the smelliness of the poo. He told me that it was very much a bad idea to call the police. Knowing Malaysia, they'd either not so up at all, show up and ask for a bribe before helping, or show up and kill the dogs anyway since it's simpler to just strangle them than it is to scan them and be stuck with the job of returning them to their owners over the weekend. Anyway, after telling me what I shouldn't do, he left with his friend. After him came a Chinese guy, Max, who noted who "taming" the dogs were. He called a friend who used to volunteer with animals and asked if he knew someone who could help. Meanwhile, I called various vets to find out if they knew the numbers of any shelters, but they either weren't picking up or they were out of the office and unable to help. I then met these two ladies who worked at the college. They got along well with the dogs, and the dogs got along well with them.

Max came by and said his friend knew a guy, Ka Lim, who ran a pet shop and that guy was coming over to pick up the dogs until the shelters opened again. Ka Lim said that he would be here at around seven o'clock because traffic was insanely heavy. It was around then when I realized the reason nobody was answering their phones was because it was Friday, and everything closes early on Fridays because the Malays have to go to the mosque or something. Anyway, Max gave me Ka Lim's number and then left to do whatever he was doing before he stopped to help a stranger with some dogs.

The ladies from the college left to go buy some food for the dogs. I hung around for a bit until some people emerged from a nearby office building and wanted to know what was going on with the dogs. Among them were two ladies who were friends with each other and also lived nearby. One of them, Maha, said she might have seen those dogs before since there was a guy who would walk his pair of German Shepherds past her house every so often. The other lady had two dogs and was experienced with rescues, so we were in good hands. She sent one of the guys from the office to go get some proper leashes from her house. In the meanwhile, I explained the story so far to them and they said that they could take care of the dogs until Ka Lim arrived. I gave Maha his number. She called him and she was told that the traffic was too heavy and he wasn't coming. So now we had to figure out where the dogs were going to stay while their owner was being located.

The ladies from college got back with two cans of dog food. One of them cut her finger when she was popping open the can. Someone from the office took her in to take care of the wound. Meanwhile the leash guy showed up, and the dogs were happy with their newer, more high-end restraints. After a few cautionary whiffs, the dogs ate their meals and were satisfied. After a while the lady from college who hadn't cut her finger went off to look for the lady from college who had, and the lady from the office who wasn't Maha called a friend with five dogs and a big house to see if her house was big enough for seven dogs.

The lady with the cut finger emerged and told us that she had fainted, but fortunately there was a guy from the office with her. The lady who wasn't Maha told us that her friend had plenty of space and was coming over now to pick up the dogs, but wouldn't be here for a while due to traffic. She then asked someone (probably the leash guy) to go up to the office and get a camera so they could make some posters to put up around the area. After that the lady without the cut finger came back and was reunited with her slightly woozy friend.

The one on the right cut her finger and passed out and the one on the left got lost looking for her. They haven't even been teaching for two years but they're already well on their way to becoming quirky professors.

The camera was brought down and some nice pictures were taken. Maha went to the office to print out some posters.

Time passed. Small talk was made. The male dog took another large dump, this time right in front of a parked car.

Maha emerged with a stack of posters. The college ladies agreed to put some of them up around the area when they came in for work the next day. They then went off to find a clinic that wasn't closed for a tetanus jab in case the can was rusty or something.

The lady with five dogs arrived with a large SUV capable of carrying dogs. We got the dogs in the back, and then I went to the front to take one last picture of the dogs with my phone. I remembered taking it, but it wasn't on my phone when I was uploading the images to the internet, which is both spooky and unfortunate because now I do not have a picture to end this story with.

So tomorrow there will be posters up all over the place and eventually the owner (or one of his friends) is bound to see it. He'll call the number for one of the office ladies who will direct him to the lady with a big house and five dogs, and there will be a happy reunion.

It's almost an hour past midnight now so there are a lot of things I've omitted and I might have messed up the sequence of events, so if anything seems odd or inaccurate just mention it and I'll try to clarify tomorrow after I pass my final exam. Also there was a strange guy who wanted to take one of the dogs for his own despite the fact that they got very distressed when they were separated and he only had a motorcycle for transport. Remind me to tell you guys about that, too."

Anyway after the doggies were safe, I went to McDonald's to have dinner. The guy at the counter charged me non-discount prices for my meal even though it was discount time, but I wasn't too upset because they accidentally gave me a McChicken that I hadn't ordered. I gave it to Jan when I got home.

After that I spent a long time writing about the dogs online, and then I went to sleep late and I woke up only three hours later.

I had thought I was going to write the dog story all over again in a different way for my blog since my blog is for a different audience, but it looks like I'm too lazy for that. Also I spotted some errors there but I'm not going to fix them until someone complains, which I don't think is going to happen.

Oh yeah also I might be attending one of Carmeni's lectures on Wednesday, just for kicks.

Anyway I'd better end this now so I can get some sleep. I've got an aptitude test tomorrow.